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by Dr Amanda Noelle | Jan 28, 2014 | Uncategorized |
I was at the park today, a typical mid-day on a Monday, throwing my dog her ball. Two moms were sitting in the grass with their kids and I overheard one of them say to the other, “Reality hit. I have to get a job now.” I felt a sour feeling in my tummy and I realized that I hate hearing when people say they have to do something they don’t want to do. It hurts my heart. Here are the three reasons why I hated hearing why someone “had to” get a job, and why I don’t think it’s necessarily true!
People can make double the money or more working for themselves
Though there is more risk initially involved, once your business is set up and rolling, you make more cash as a self-employed woman versus being employed by da’ man. In fact, according to an international Institute for the Study of Labor, graduates who choose the entrepreneurial path make 50% more income over and above “employees.” Don’t know about you, but I prefer setting my own hours, goals, and earning twice as much.
Why in the heck do people think that getting a job is ‘safe’ or more stable anyway?
So, if we get to make double (and more) being self-employed, why doesn’t the majority of the population go entrepreneurial? I think it’s because we have a deep history of being kept as slaves, serfs, and even prostitutes, and this ancestral karma needs fixin’. I reckon that deep in our subconscious, we hold the memory bestowed by the Illuminati, Annunaki, and other various forms of ourselves that have a creepy mafia vibe that tells us to “Shut the f$ck up and keep working.” So we do, and we don’t question the system or even see the darkness of the system because we’ve been so stuck in it for so long.
It’s time to break free from the fear that has threatened the lives of your ancestors and self in the past
Sure, there are perks to working for a company. Maybe you want to work in an office with other innovative young people, or maybe you want to get ‘free training’ while working for another company. But I say that you can get nearly all of these perks working for yourself if you go slightly out of your way. For instance, if you feel too isolated in your biz, you can sign up as a member at a ‘work hub,’ or community office space where space and rent and community intentions are shared. Or, you can create group classes, live events, and retreats.
Who really likes having a boss anyway? Maybe it’s the daddy figure you never had (or mommy)? And who says jobs are even safe or stable or guaranteed with all the lay offs that happen these days. You can always hire guidance, coaches, consultants, or take classes on something in your industry. You don’t have to get trained by someone who owns you financially, silly!
Call me judgmental, but I’d say that the average bear is just making excuses while slightly or majorly suffering while working at a ‘safe’ company, but deep down everyone wants her own freedom. Maybe it’s my bias because I have always hated working for other people and when I finally set up my successful 6-figure BLI$$ness it felt like I was born. I personally think that setting up your own online business can grow faster and be more lucrative than searching for a job, if you have a hot skill that can be the solution to someone’s problem or pain. For instance, when I launched my career as a Twin Flame Matchmaker, I made $3,000 my first month because people needed to meet their Beloved and get over Twin Flame Counterfeit heartache (which I specialize on).
The reason people get jobs is usually due to a self-esteem issue developed in childhood
What stops so many people, especially women, from rocking their 6-figure BLI$$ness? I say it is low self-esteem that seeps into the subconscious. People who grow up in entrepreneurial families often don’t have this issue. We often grow up with money blueprints and employment blueprints given to us from our parents from their parents, etc. that cause us to think that we have to settle for less in the career arena. The reality is, in my opinion, everyone who has internet and a computer and a brain and a heart can create a successful 6-figure BLI$$ness working 3-days a week or less. You just have to be aligned with your soul purpose, and a good marketing plan. And until we clear this low self-esteem out of ourselves and our ancestors, we can’t start thinking like a 6-figure BLI$$ness woman, and taking action like one.
Here’s a video to help you clear the fear of being self-employed and to cut out the BS (belief systems!):
[fvplayer src=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-toirX4QurU’]
Also, if you haven’t read the blog yet, Going from Starving Hippie Chick to Hip n’ Chic High Priestess Business Owner, it will give you an idea of how I went from earning 4-figures in my 20s to earning 6-figures within 2 years.
So I totally get it if you have to pay the bills this week and you found yourself in a pinch, and you wanna sign up for a J-O-B so you can sleep with a roof over your head. But don’t get stuck there out of fear, self-esteem blocks, or old paradigm BS (belief systems!) because you really don’t have to be.
I love your power, I love your magic, I love your BIG spirit. You can do it. If I could, so can you…
Namaste,
Dr. Amanda Noelle is a Twin Flame Matchmaker and BLI$$ness Coach, and she is the founder of Aphrodite University, helping women become 7-figure BLI$$ness women who heal the planet.
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by Dr Amanda Noelle | Jan 20, 2014 | Financial Fertility, Pussy Power in Business, Twin Flame Priestess Lifestyle, Uncategorized |
A spiritual woman entrepreneur is only as happy, rich, and successful as how much she loves herself, and how willing she is to receive love and abundance from her beloved friends, clients, and soul family.
Most of us High-Healed Priestesses have been conditioned to hide who we really are, to believe that we are worthless or bad, and to isolate ourselves from other powerful women. Yet we cannot continue living in hiding and shame, for it’s our time to break-free to be successful 6-figure earners who are healing and shifting the planet for good. You will gain from reading this blog if you experience/feel any of the following:
- Do you want to attract more female friends and even high-paying female clients into your world and to your BLI$$ness?
- Have you had a hard time finding and creating healthy relationships with other High-Healed Priestesses like yourself (HHPs)?
- Do you have an unfulfilled deep desire to reuniting with your Divine Feminine soul family?
- Have you been hitting up against social isolation, loneliness, depression, female competition, and feeling like you don’t belong (maybe on this planet!) socially?
As a High-Healed Priestess (or spiritual woman), you were programed to believe that there was something wrong with you. It’s a common belief system that my friend’s ex just underlined here in his verbally abusive email (sending him golden light healing!):
“If you dropped the ‘I am a goddess facade’ and people actually saw the real you I very much doubt that you would have many friends at all…apart from a few other random dysfunctional beings.”
Yuck!!! Ouch…Reading his words hit something in me. Like I wanted to strangle this guy for talking smack to my friend, but at the same time I knew he was just reading something in her and my sub-consicious mind (after all I would be one of the dysfunctional beings he was talking about!).
He was illuminating a painful piece that has been haunting the Divine Feminine for thousands of years. The High Priestess presence on this earth has been submerged because of this, so we absolutely must look at the wound and start to heal it. Thanks Anthony for your illumination!
And ain’t it funny!? We goddesses can believe deep in our subconscious that we are fake, bad, unlovable, ugly beings! That we don’t deserve loving relationships and are disgusting, despite the fact that we are love portals and angel-like mortals here to illuminate and love Gaia.
Let’s burn this old false patriarchal belief system that women are somehow filthy, disgusting, and not good enough. Time to let it go!
- Eating disorders, binge eating, sugar addiction
- Body image issues and sexual shame
- Self-hatred
- Self-confidence issues
- Lack of permission to be self-empowered
- Financial self-sabotage, poverty issues, literally “poor self-esteem“
- Not feeling smart enough (i.e. to run a business)
- Feeling hopeless about having deep friendships
- Intimacy fears, isolation, thinking people don’t like you
- Feeling not good enough with your clients, inability to attract clients
- Rejection and abandonment fears with men and women
- Perfectionism syndrome, which easily can sabotage your BLI$$ness financially and bliss-wise
I know I have fallen for the oldest trick in the book. It’s fu%ed me over majorly in the past. But I am moving on!
I know I have struggled with this – despite the fact that my heart is so full of love and desire for connection – I have many times found myself alone, isolated, and hurt by myself and others for no apparent reason, over and over. And I am like “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t people love me!? Why does it seem like everyone has so many friends and I am a freak!?” It’s not a pretty picture. So un-HHP!
I have worked very hard to heal this BS and thank Goddess it’s healing quickly! I am learning that it’s OK to be a High-Healed Priestess and that we HHPs are
needed on the planet. I have attracted very deep female connections and my soulmate clients have come through because I am loving my Feminine. My relationship to men is also improving, and I have so much more to offer men!
New friends, old soul family sisterhood! Or sistarhood!
We all must heal this wound and FAST so we can be in service and have a great time with our soul sistas.
Let’s erase the code that it’s not OK to be a goddess or god, that you’ll be alone if you come out of your goddess closet. You CAN let your Light shine and speak the truth. It is real Divine energy, and you are Divinely lovable! Let’s heal our inner children who felt rejected and abandoned because we were bright, shiny, happy, and magical, and the world wasn’t yet ready for this. The world needs our love, magic, and sister-bonds NOW!
Your love-power heals the planet. Don’t let the illusion of rejection stop you; be the unconditional love you have been waiting for. You will attract your soul family and tribe; it is your birthright.
We can rebuild the Goddess Temple only when we forgive ourselves for being such powerful BIG Goddesses of Love!
Sending you Light and love and asking for you to show up in your Light Power even if you fear that it will blind others or scare them off… Because it won’t! No it won’t!
Loving you….
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by Dr Amanda Noelle | Jan 18, 2014 | Uncategorized |
I am a BIG fan of rewriting fairytales to awaken new archetypal stories to rise the Divine Feminine and build new paradigms that teach our children – especially our daughters and our inner daughters – how to love themselves from places of power. More specifically, we need role models and stories that inspire a new Divine Feminine wealth consciousness so we can build more villages in Africa, heal our planet’s waters, and rebuild the goddess temples so that there is a sacred place where women can go to conglomerate and rise the Divine Feminine together.
Cinderella is one of my favorite fairytales, as Cinderella represents the wounded healer, the slave girl, and a Starchild coming from a broken home who finds herself living with an abusive family away from her real family.
I think it was time for a re-make to inspire true Twin Flame Love through the Cinderella archetype. So here goes:
ONCE UPON A TIME…
There was a girl named Cinderella who lived in a broken home with 3 abusive women (they were all wicked, and not in the good sense). Then, a fairy godmother came along granting Cinderella one wish. So, she wished for her handsome prince.
And the fairy godmother was like:
“Girl, you gotta get over your fear of women and the Divine Feminine! It’s time that you set boundaries with abuse and stopped taking shit from people all the time just cuz you were raised poor! Why don’t you wish to free yourself from slavery first, and wish yourself into becoming a 6-figure BLI$$ness woman? THEN let’s talk about what kinda handsome prince you wanna manifest.”
Cinderella took a look at her godmother and saw the wisdom in her heart.
She wished herself into a 6-figure BLI$$ness woman and became an online shamanic feng shui artist, because she felt she was exceptionally skilled at cleaning homes of dark energy. She soon became so well known for her home clearing potion-sprays (they were based on crystal elixirs and essential oils) which were sold at Saks Fifth Ave for $100 a pop.
Cinderella became a millionairess over a period of just 2 years.
She then partnered up with an entrepreneur she met online who was building sustainable homes in Guatemala for indigenous people who needed the help. She decided to donate 10% of her profits to his awesome organization. One day, when she was visiting the Peruvian village for the first time, she met the entrepreneur and found him to be the most gorgeous, generous, and gentle soul she had ever met.
The pair fell instantly and insanely in love.
They decided they were Twin Flames, and had two gorgeous babies. They teamed up to create sustainable villages around the world, using her magical potion sprays which provided the crystalline foundation of each town.
And they all lived BLI$$fully ever after…
Your rewritten healing fairytale
How can you re-writing your own cinderella story? Rewriting your own fairytale therapeutically heals the soul by realigning the subconscious with programs that your conscious mind chooses write. The fairytales of the past were written in times where life was tough, where greedy kingdoms ruled the land, and where women had to believe in something to distract them from their subjugation and pain. Now we can create real life fairytales based on our Divine Truth, by using the Law of Attraction, and by tuning into our power and taking massive action.
Here are some ideas to help you re-write your Cinderella story:
- Heal your wounds and fears around sisterhood
- Heal your mother issues and align your relationship with the Divine Mother
- Rewrite a story where Cinderella doesn’t need a fairy godmother to save her
- Love your inner peasant and write down how many skills your inner peasant girl has; turn these into a 6-figure BLI$$ness that heals the world
- Recognize where your inner Cinderella is trapped and free her yourself!
- Find where your inner Cinderella’s strengths are and use these strengths to help her save herself rather than waiting for some guy to come around
- Allow your new Cinderella to marry herself first so that she can truly marry a Twin Flame
- Let her be found by a handsome prince who wants to marry both the princess in her and the peasant/pagan in her; be proud of your inner peasant and turn it into something sexy!
Blessings on creating a new paradigm and story for you, for your daughters, your family, and for all the planet who needs you to rise as the Divine Feminine Shakinah at this time.
Thanks for joining me! Namaste.
Dr. Amanda Noelle is the Twin Flame Matchmaker and Founder of Aphrodite University and she helps women become High-Healed Priestesses who play dress up while really saving the world.
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by Dr Amanda Noelle | Jan 16, 2014 | Uncategorized |
Hello High-Healed Priestess (modern-day shamanic high priestess, maybe in heels, maybe barefoot!). I know that you’re ready to tap into that unlimited wealth consciousness, the goddess of abundance. I know it is time for the Divine Feminine to rise within every aspect of you – your relationships, your business, your life and bliss. And I am sure that you want your goddess of abundance energies to come (and to cum!) easily like a 6 or 7-figure orgasm, right?
The key to attracting 6 & 7-figure BLI$$ (or anything you want)
The key to breaking free to 6-figures or to attracting your Twin Flame ISN’T by using a template, following have-tos, having the perfect hair, or even the perfect product…The Law of Attraction provides some help with manifesting too, but without this key thing, you won’t be able to attract what you want.
Sure, it’s cool if you have an awesome thing going on – a great product, body, brain, whatever thing that the world needs/wants. Yes, you DO have to have something that is genuine, of quality, and that benefits the world by being in service. But that’s NOT enough to take you to reach 6 & 7-figure BLI$$ as a High-Healed Priestess…
Nope. It’s something sacred and ancient that is being held in the memory of Gaia. It’s within you. PU$$Y Power, the Divine Feminine sacred essence that resides within the seat of the soul AND body of every woman in her root and sacral chakras, that connects her deeply and ecstatically with Gaia (Mother Earth)and every other Divine Feminine body on this earth. It enables her to connect with other customers/clients who are healing and activating their PU$$Y Power after thousands of years of having it cut off due to a patriarchal paradigm that was part of the collective consciousness’ soul contract. But it’s over now, and the Divine Feminine is rising. It’s time to awaken this sacred ancient diamond that is alive and active in your womb/yoni and rock the PU$$Y Power out of the ball park!
The Isis codes in the PU$$Y Power
There are 2 dollar signs in PU$$Y Power. And this spells Isis. ISIS=Isis=$$. Isis is the Divine Feminine symbol of Ancient Egypt, Sacred Sexuality, and the Divine Mother Goddess is encoded within the double dollar sign $$ = ISIS, as are the two pillars of light representing the two spines of the two Twin Flame Lovers, and the ‘S’ is the kundalini that runs up the spine by activating the PU$$Y Power in the female by her beloved. To learn more about Kundalini from my blog What Is Kundalini Awakening? click HERE.
PU$$Y Power is an untapped market and there is a HUGE need in the marketplace.
Your clients are hungry for the activation that you can give them, and you must activate it within yourself. Connecting to Gaia and activating your PU$$Y Power was how I broke free to 6-figure BLI$$ after being in 4-figure agony for all my 20s!
Right now, the Divine Feminine in every woman needs to be healed, and in every man too. When you heal your PU$$Y Power, you become a mentor for other PU$$ies (women, chalice holders) out there. Your clients will be intuitively and magnetically attracted to you because you will have the codex stored within your womb/yoni and woman that can clear and heal her. It’s all very juicy and exciting!
Check out this video to help you womanifest like crazy!
If you are ready to womanifest Divine Feminine style using the Law of Attraction, watch this video! Grab a pen and paper to take notes. You will learn how to:
- Receive whatever you want, in money, career, love, etc
- Stop settling for less! Become a queen of womanifestation
- Get the Universe working for you, not working against you
- Clear old ugly limiting patterns that limit your heart’s desires and abundance
[fvplayer src=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7oEH-gACC8″]
Blessings and namaste,
Dr. Amanda Noelle is the Founder of Aphrodite University, the premier Divine Feminine-based university helping High-Healed Priestesses turn their bliss into 6 & 7-figure BLI$$nesses that heal the world.
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by Dr Amanda Noelle | Jan 4, 2014 | Uncategorized |
In my past ten years of being a spiritual BLI$$ness owner, I have found that there are two types of clients you can attract. There are the ho-hum clients who come in with an unconscious, random, or even fear-based energy, and these guys may pay the bills. However, they come with a handful of karma and maybe even some drama, and they don’t feed your heart to the deepest level.
Then, there a whole other class of clients who come through a pure divine alignment. Soulmate Clients is the term I’ve coined to describe them, and this is the breed of clients I am going to speak about today to help you attract your 6-figure BLI$$ in ease, passion, and fun, so you can make a huge difference on the planet!
Soulmate Clients help each other stand tall.
How I Discovered Soulmate Clients
When I was in my 20s, I had a poverty consciousness that limited me to a sad little 4-figure salary. It was a curse, and it brought me to shame and pain (which now motivates me to teach other women how to create their 6-figure BLI$$nesses too).
Though I was stuck and poor, I still had a magical fairy way of attracting my Soulmate Clients just when I absolutely needed them, like when the rent was due or when I needed to afford taking a spiritual class or going to Dance Camp! Luckily, I could always manifest money and clients like a fairy, even when I was mostly blocked in the lower-chakras.
Bit by bit, I have discovered the concept of Soulmate Client attraction by trial and error, and realized that when I operate my Law of Attraction magic from my soul’s desires, awesome abundant and easy clients come through. When I operate from fear and having to manifest clients out of obligation, it becomes lame and headachy, and I work harder for less money per hour.
One of my very first Soulmate Clients, Mary, came into my life when I was only working 1-3 half days per week as a licensed esthetician at my tiny little organic skin spa in Oakland, CA. At the time, I had just paid off my startup fees, and I was gaining some confidence as a metaphysical healer. I was in psychic school and had learned about the Law of Attraction. I was really excited to call in my fun spiritual soul-aligned clients whom I could test out my metaphysical magic on.
Mary had come to me like clockwork after doing a manifestation-prayer and visualization. I met her via Sarah, my acupuncturist, who had enjoyed a few of my facials. During Mary’s first facial, I felt an immediate soul connection and sense of familiarity. Even though I was afraid that she’d think I was crazy, I was immediately guided to ask her if it was OK to give her an aura healing while her face mask was on. Instead of being shocked, it turned out that Mary said that she’d love an aura healing and that she had gone to the same psychic school I was attending, and had studied with with the same teacher named Javier! Not what I was expecting from a overachiever in biotech. And what a small world! The aura healing felt amazing for both of us, and I could feel Mary’s energy moving and healing quickly. I was gleeful when she bought a bunch of products and immediately rebooked her next facial.
Over time, Mary and I connected deeply and felt that we had had shared past lives together. She was like a richer, wiser, and older version of me in a lot of ways; Mary taught me so much. We had a blast together doing her monthly sessions, and I almost forgot to charge her at the end of each facial. She’d tip me amazingly and sometimes even paid me an even $444 just for fun. Mary loved my healing energy, and we alchemically healed her rosacea and improved her severe skin sensitivities. We even discovered the root of her skin problems which cropped up when she’d left her first husband ten years prior. Her husband even noticed how her skin glowed and energy bubbled after our work together, and was curious to meet me! Mary was definitely my Soulmate Client, and made me understand the difference between a Soulmate Client and just another average karmic transaction.
What are Soulmate Clients, exactly?
Soulmate Clients are a type of ‘business soulmate’ who are connected to you on a deep soul level, in which there is a sacred soul-contract governing the energy exchange. There is a monetary exchange based on Divine Love, respect, of mutual healing and learning.
Soulmate Clients are members of your soul-family/soul-pod/soul-cluster, aka a group of souls that reincarnate during a certain timeline with a specific soul mission. They have a similar soul vibration often times will feel instantly familiar similar to ‘love at first sight.’ Working with Soulmate Clients is energizing, activating, and helps us remember who we are in the Higher Dimensions. Further, by creating monetary exchange with our Soulmate Clients, we are expressing a sacred currency of Divine Love through what I call Holy MatriMoney. The healing exchange of currency is healing to both the customer/client and business owner, and is healing to money itself (which in a sense has a Higher Self or consciousness just like everything else).
Why is it useful to attract your Soulmate Clients?
There are a multitude of reasons why it’s so much better and more blissful to attract your Soulmate Clients. I’ll mention my faves here:
- You love your clients, deeply, with Divine Love!
- They love you back.
- You uplift each other.
- You have a soul contract blessed by the angels through the Higher Dimensions
- You are honoring both of your souls by creating a work-contract or financial energy-exchange.
- The monetary exchange blesses both of your bank accounts, perhaps 10, 20, or 1,000-fold!
- You instantly feel a deep sense of purpose, connection, and soul-recognition together.
- You have an amazing telepathic connection with your soul family, so even if you have a hard time explaining your work to people, your Soul Family will receive it. In essence, they ‘get’ your niche and brand.
- Other people won’t understand them as easily as you do. This brings them immense satisfaction and value and saves you both time.
- It’s easier to heal your Soulmate Clients because you share similar stories and healing frequencies, so when you work as their healer, they access their answers and heal faster.
- They like the vibe in which you do things, it uplifts them just being in your field.
- They find you charming, funny, calming, interesting, and attractive (it’s all relative! Soul-relatives!).
- The networking opportunities are much better because you’ll be networking with their extended soul families and vice versa.
My retreats, events, and projects are big old soul family reunions. The retreat I am hosting in Bali in February is energetically incestuous – each person in the group had already known or heard of or friended at least one other person in the group beforehand via connecting on the internet (they’re from various places in the US and Canada)! Similarly, my online Divine Feminine-based university Aphrodite University is basically a High Priestess reunion stomping ground of beings from Egypt, Atlantis, Lemuria, Greece, Italy, the Pleiades, and the Higher Dimensions.
I quite commonly dream of Soulmate Clients a day or so before they walk through the door. This makes my life seem a little more exciting, magical, and aligned. When money gets swiped from a client’s sacred credit card into my bank account, I bless it with Soul Family Love and ask for the investment to be returned to her ten-fold or more. I can feel how her investment heals both of us energetically and financially.
Honestly, if I hadn’t followed my heart and started to ask the Universe for my Soulmate Clients when I launched my healing business 2 years ago, I don’t doubt that I would still be stuck with a 4-figure income block. Trust me, hitting 6-figures and sharing the love with your Soulmate Clients is so much more fun, easy, and BLI$$ful, and they are out there waiting for you!
What are you waiting for grrl, go get ’em…
All my love to you,
Dr. Amanda Noelle is the Founder of Aphrodite University, helping healers become High-Healed Priestesses who rock 6-figure BLI$$nesses while changing the world.
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by Dr Amanda Noelle | Jan 3, 2014 | Divine Feminine Awakening, Twin Flame Signs, Twin Flame Spirituality, Uncategorized
My
Inner Critic used to be a real B-I-T-C-H. I struggled with her big time, though you wouldn’t know it now, because I am a new woman. At age 30 I died a ‘shamanic death,’ and flew to the Higher Dimensions. When I came back down, I returned to the same body, but began a new life as a high priestess. After communing with the angels and my
Higher Self and remembering who I am and that we’re all one, I suddenly didn’t care about impressing people anymore.
Yet straight after my shamanic death, I went through the most painful ego death. AKA a Dark Night of the Soul, and you know what I’m talking about if you’ve gone through one yourself. Not so pleasant! Many of my Twin Flame clients have gone through their Dark Night after having encountered a Twin Flame Counterfeit, a type of Karmic Soulmate who initiates them into Divine Love and then who suddenly disappears. It’s quite excruciating, ego-anhillating, and yet in the end, you come out cleaner, and stronger than ever.
Going through my shamanic death, my Inner Critic went down with my ego (which is still healthy and intact but not in the oppressive way it once was), and my Higher Self finally grounded into my body and 7-chakras so that I could channel the Higher Dimensional energies here into the Third Dimension, the dimension in which we live on Earth. We are currently collectively shifting into the Fourth Dimension and each of us are waking up to this Ascension together.
My Inner Critic no longer holds me back like it did, and I feel like I have a free pass towards shame, guilt, embarrassment and feeling like I’m good enough. I now I put myself out there, and let it all hang out. And I love it! Because I deeply love myself on a soul level. Now I actually enjoy baring my A$$ to the world in hopes that people will join me in the self-love revolution. It’s what High-Healed Priestesses do!
But ten years ago, or even three years ago, it wasn’t this way… I was an Inner Critic victimy mess. I pretty much had a love-hate relationship with myself on every level of my being:
- Body image (hated my body, my skin, my hair, and my breasts without a bra on)
- Food and binge eating issues (I was addicted to sugar and always roller-coastering back and forth between overeating and over exercising)
- Major poverty issues – my self worth in the money department was like a negative number on a scale of 1-10. I was making a 4-figure salary and had so much shame about it!
- I thought my boyfriend was better than me. He was 3 years older, a mechanical engineer, and an Italian stallion. Somehow I thought that this meant that he was wiser, hotter, smarter, and sexier than I, and that I had to work hard to keep up with him or I’d be unlovable.
- Location. I lived somewhere I dreaded and feared (China) because I followed the stallion to join him and his dream in Shanghai to help boost his career. I was the support role in his life, and meanwhile no one was taking care of me, and it was not an easy place to try to rescue someone! But boy did I love trying to rescue him, as I did with all my boyfriends and lovers in my 20s…
Circa 2004. So, here I am running around in Shanghai China 10 years ago. I used to work on the 35th floor of Jin Mao Tower, which at the time was this new hot icon of Shanghai, the tallest building in the world, at 88 stories (cool number, huh?).
My low-self esteem got me Shanghaied to Shanghai
Getting Shanghaied is a term they used back in the 20s. In San Francisco, they would get sailors drunk and put them on ships to Asia, and they’d arrive in Shanghai finding themselves sobered up by the fact that they had a new culture and country to call home. To this day, they supposedly have a few pubs in San Francisco on the water that have these special back doors that were the doors to Shanghai.
My Italian stallion tricked me too. He promised me that, like him, I’d have a secure $70K salaried job waiting for me there through his family connections. When I arrived with just $2K in savings, they told me to go find an English teaching job for $5/hour at a local elementary school. I’d already been teaching English to Italians for $25/hour a few days a week in Italy and was burnt out on it. In Shanghai, everyone told me I was crazy to come to China then, as the economic bubble had already burst a year beforehand for us foreigners with no tech skills or Mandarin language.
Determined not to starve to death, I networked my little fanny off and found a job through my brother’s Princeton alumni network because I have always been a savvy networker despite the fact that I didn’t really know how to make money off of it!
I worked at a prestigious American law firm as an editor, but really all I did was play around on the internet and get free lunch. So, I certified myself online as a personal trainer and nutrition consultant and at age 25, opened Spot Fitness my first business! I also became a well-known fitness and nutrition writer within the large expat community, and got to attend speaking gigs and taught group classes.
Yet when I left China at 25, I felt like a huge failure because I hadn’t become a financial success, and because my partner got that 70K salary as a mechanical engineer with family connections. Now I look back and I’m like Amanda, that’s amazing! You were 24, went to a country where you didn’t speak the language, and you carved out your own career and became known in your field within a year and a half!
I know you had a hard time in your life in your earlier years where you did the best you could, and you thought it wasn’t good enough. Where you were harsh and criticized parts of yourself that needed nurturing, encouragement, and love rather than the brutal beatings you gave yourself! I want you to go back to those memories and tell yourself how amazing you are. And I want you to forgive yourself for any shortcomings, any dreams that hadn’t come true yet. And now, I want you to live out those big dreams for the little parts of yourself that are insecure and need to be shown that they CAN do it! You can! It’s in you, but it had to come at the right timing, and through deep self-love. One of my favorite tools I teach women is the FUKKIT tool that helps you get over your perfectionism and resistance to getting boring tasks done:
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Have you ever followed love and gotten lost? Like literally to the wrong side of the planet? I did.
This is a picture of ME circa 2004 AD in China, when I was a very lost goddess remembering who I was. I got “Shanghaied” (look it up) and taken by an Italian lover to Shanghai, China. I was lost and confused and hit all kinds of self-esteem and money issues, hoping that my beloved would save me. But I had to save myself in the end, and it was complicated!
Ironically, I found myself in a land where no one understood me, literally (that language is damn hard!). I was always running out of money and had no cash to get places and it was kinda scary. I once had to use sign language to ask where the lake was and caught a bus not knowing if it was really going to the lake or if I was going somewhere else in China. I set up my own business there, and there were a lot of good things, impressive ways I grew. Yet it was one of the hardest things I could have done at the ripe age of 23-25!
I highly suggest finding yourself first before following some beloved off to the depth of his/her universe. What is YOUR universe, why are you here? What is your soul’s calling? What do YOU desire? And create that.
My beloved ended up marrying his Twin Flame in China at the end, 3 months after I left him, and it was a bitter sweet result of our 2-year journey together. The life of a Twin Flame Matchmaker in her 20s!
When you lack self-esteem, you lead a life that reflects this lack. It can get you into big trouble. Slaying my Inner Critic and falling in love with myself as a High-Healed Priestess has reinvented my life. Now I love my body, live in community, travel where it blisses me, work with my Soulmate Clients, and make 6-figures following my passions, and so can you.
