My Inner Critic used to be a real B-I-T-C-H. I struggled with her big time, though you wouldn’t know it now, because I am a new woman. At age 30 I died a ‘shamanic death,’ and flew to the Higher Dimensions. When I came back down, I returned to the same body, but began a new life as a high priestess. After communing with the angels and my Higher Self and remembering who I am and that we’re all one, I suddenly didn’t care about impressing people anymore.
Yet straight after my shamanic death, I went through the most painful ego death. AKA a Dark Night of the Soul, and you know what I’m talking about if you’ve gone through one yourself. Not so pleasant! Many of my Twin Flame clients have gone through their Dark Night after having encountered a Twin Flame Counterfeit, a type of Karmic Soulmate who initiates them into Divine Love and then who suddenly disappears. It’s quite excruciating, ego-anhillating, and yet in the end, you come out cleaner, and stronger than ever.
Going through my shamanic death, my Inner Critic went down with my ego (which is still healthy and intact but not in the oppressive way it once was), and my Higher Self finally grounded into my body and 7-chakras so that I could channel the Higher Dimensional energies here into the Third Dimension, the dimension in which we live on Earth. We are currently collectively shifting into the Fourth Dimension and each of us are waking up to this Ascension together.
My Inner Critic no longer holds me back like it did, and I feel like I have a free pass towards shame, guilt, embarrassment and feeling like I’m good enough. I now I put myself out there, and let it all hang out. And I love it! Because I deeply love myself on a soul level. Now I actually enjoy baring my A$$ to the world in hopes that people will join me in the self-love revolution. It’s what High-Healed Priestesses do!
But ten years ago, or even three years ago, it wasn’t this way… I was an Inner Critic victimy mess. I pretty much had a love-hate relationship with myself on every level of my being:
Body image (hated my body, my skin, my hair, and my breasts without a bra on)
Food and binge eating issues (I was addicted to sugar and always roller-coastering back and forth between overeating and over exercising)
Major poverty issues – my self worth in the money department was like a negative number on a scale of 1-10. I was making a 4-figure salary and had so much shame about it!
I thought my boyfriend was better than me. He was 3 years older, a mechanical engineer, and an Italian stallion. Somehow I thought that this meant that he was wiser, hotter, smarter, and sexier than I, and that I had to work hard to keep up with him or I’d be unlovable.
Location. I lived somewhere I dreaded and feared (China) because I followed the stallion to join him and his dream in Shanghai to help boost his career. I was the support role in his life, and meanwhile no one was taking care of me, and it was not an easy place to try to rescue someone! But boy did I love trying to rescue him, as I did with all my boyfriends and lovers in my 20s…
Circa 2004. So, here I am running around in Shanghai China 10 years ago. I used to work on the 35th floor of Jin Mao Tower, which at the time was this new hot icon of Shanghai, the tallest building in the world, at 88 stories (cool number, huh?).
My low-self esteem got me Shanghaied to Shanghai
Getting Shanghaied is a term they used back in the 20s. In San Francisco, they would get sailors drunk and put them on ships to Asia, and they’d arrive in Shanghai finding themselves sobered up by the fact that they had a new culture and country to call home. To this day, they supposedly have a few pubs in San Francisco on the water that have these special back doors that were the doors to Shanghai.
My Italian stallion tricked me too. He promised me that, like him, I’d have a secure $70K salaried job waiting for me there through his family connections. When I arrived with just $2K in savings, they told me to go find an English teaching job for $5/hour at a local elementary school. I’d already been teaching English to Italians for $25/hour a few days a week in Italy and was burnt out on it. In Shanghai, everyone told me I was crazy to come to China then, as the economic bubble had already burst a year beforehand for us foreigners with no tech skills or Mandarin language.
Determined not to starve to death, I networked my little fanny off and found a job through my brother’s Princeton alumni network because I have always been a savvy networker despite the fact that I didn’t really know how to make money off of it!
I worked at a prestigious American law firm as an editor, but really all I did was play around on the internet and get free lunch. So, I certified myself online as a personal trainer and nutrition consultant and at age 25, opened Spot Fitness my first business! I also became a well-known fitness and nutrition writer within the large expat community, and got to attend speaking gigs and taught group classes.
Yet when I left China at 25, I felt like a huge failure because I hadn’t become a financial success, and because my partner got that 70K salary as a mechanical engineer with family connections. Now I look back and I’m like Amanda, that’s amazing! You were 24, went to a country where you didn’t speak the language, and you carved out your own career and became known in your field within a year and a half!
I know you had a hard time in your life in your earlier years where you did the best you could, and you thought it wasn’t good enough. Where you were harsh and criticized parts of yourself that needed nurturing, encouragement, and love rather than the brutal beatings you gave yourself! I want you to go back to those memories and tell yourself how amazing you are. And I want you to forgive yourself for any shortcomings, any dreams that hadn’t come true yet. And now, I want you to live out those big dreams for the little parts of yourself that are insecure and need to be shown that they CAN do it! You can! It’s in you, but it had to come at the right timing, and through deep self-love. One of my favorite tools I teach women is the FUKKIT tool that helps you get over your perfectionism and resistance to getting boring tasks done:
Have you ever followed love and gotten lost? Like literally to the wrong side of the planet? I did.
This is a picture of ME circa 2004 AD in China, when I was a very lost goddess remembering who I was. I got “Shanghaied” (look it up) and taken by an Italian lover to Shanghai, China. I was lost and confused and hit all kinds of self-esteem and money issues, hoping that my beloved would save me. But I had to save myself in the end, and it was complicated!
Ironically, I found myself in a land where no one understood me, literally (that language is damn hard!). I was always running out of money and had no cash to get places and it was kinda scary. I once had to use sign language to ask where the lake was and caught a bus not knowing if it was really going to the lake or if I was going somewhere else in China. I set up my own business there, and there were a lot of good things, impressive ways I grew. Yet it was one of the hardest things I could have done at the ripe age of 23-25!
I highly suggest finding yourself first before following some beloved off to the depth of his/her universe. What is YOUR universe, why are you here? What is your soul’s calling? What do YOU desire? And create that.
My beloved ended up marrying his Twin Flame in China at the end, 3 months after I left him, and it was a bitter sweet result of our 2-year journey together. The life of a Twin Flame Matchmaker in her 20s!
When you lack self-esteem, you lead a life that reflects this lack. It can get you into big trouble. Slaying my Inner Critic and falling in love with myself as a High-Healed Priestess has reinvented my life. Now I love my body, live in community, travel where it blisses me, work with my Soulmate Clients, and make 6-figures following my passions, and so can you.
In my YouTube video, What the Heck Is a Twin Flame? I define a Twin Flame as the other half of your soul incarnate. It’s living breathing you in the carnage (physical human form) of another. Same soul, different meat-suit.
According to Greek mythology, we were all once attached to our Twin Flame. If we had a male or female other half attached directly to us. But our powers were too strong, we became so godlike that Zeus got jealous and had humans sliced in half. ‘Til this day, we’re still suffering looking for our Divine Match, according to this metaphorical (I think!?) legend. In another blog article, What Is a Twin Flame? Twin Flame Q & A by A Twin Flame Expert, I talked about the difference between a Twin Flame Love and a soulmate love.
A soulmate in essence is a soul who comes in to teach you a lesson (and vice versa) and it can be romantic or not. If a Twin Flame being the other half of your soul can be a very exciting concept for those of us new to waking up, or those of us who have been awake but not yet totally aligned in relationship. Twin Flame seeking then becomes a very beautiful path of self-discovery then.
Not many people have known about our ability to attract a Twin Flame up until recently.
Many spiritual schools taught that a Twin Flame is something not worth seeking or of importance; some schools teach that it’s outright impossible for most. But it’s 2016, and the matrix energetics are realigning. New perspectives are allowing us to seek the answers within, and often times the answers say “I don’t choose to believe that,” and it is so. We are what we think. Beliefs shift reality. Once indoctrinated to believe we simply couldn’t have what we wanted, now we can indoctrinate ourselves with whatever we choose.
In 2012, we became our own doctors. Our own teachers, masters, gurus, shrinks, and lovers. That doesn’t mean that we can’t get external guidance and motivation along the way and that all external mentors are ineffective. Contrarily, teachers are simply mirrors of ourselves showing us what we believe or deep down know inside of us. When we have false teachings show up, it’s ourselves giving ourselves a test with a trick question on it. Do you (a) Write it off that you can’t have your Twin Flame because someone told you or it hasn’t happened, (b) Believe in Twin Flames but choose that it’s not likely for you, (c) Stay openminded and open-hearted to the idea as you deeply seek deep self-soul love, or (d) Decide that you definitely have to have a Twin Flame or else (you’ll die perhaps!?)? The best answer I suggest is (c). Why not give love a try, with the parachute on your back being the deepest sense of self-love and self care?
How do I know if my partner is my Twin Flame? First, ask yourself, do you even really want a Twin Flame? Here is what is required of being in a Twin Flame relationship:
Deep soul evolution, being on an Ascension path
Self-awareness at all times, on all levels
Being conscious from a Higher Self perspective
Being grounded in the earth plane and facing your insecurities
Going through a Dark Night of the Soul, if needed, to get to the Higher Self aspect
Healing your root chakra and learning to make friends with money, survival, and wealth consciousness
Being willing to surrender everything you currently “know” as love
Being willing to leave a bad marriage or even a pretty decent one that is not your Twin Flame relationship
To learn and know the difference between karmic soulmate love and Twin Flame Love vibrations
Letting go of the way things look
Being willing to fall in love with someone who might not fit into the box of traditional relationships
Being open to your Twin Flame being on another side of the globe or of a different culture
Tons of clearing, healing cleaning, de-cluttering of your aura, home, finances, and all aspects of your life so they align with the truth
Finally, and most importantly: deep unconditional self-soul love and gratitude
Darn! That’s a long list, I know you’re saying. It is. Yet think about all the soul growth you’ve already done in your life and even over the past few years. That’s a long list too.
Even if you have just a few things on the list above, you’re already getting Twin Flame set if you so desire. Now back to the question, how do you know if you’re in a Twin Flame relationship? Simply study yourself and how you are showing up in your current relationship.
Twin Flame Examination Starts at the Self.
First focus on YOU, and not the relationship (an external Twin Flame Mirror of you)…
Staring at you allows you to empower yourself and go to the source of the Twin Flame relationship, since you’re the only one you’ll be with 24-hours a day for the rest of your life! And you are the one who decides if someone is your Twin Flame. I have been told by several men that they were likely my Twin Flame and with pressure and persuasion behind it for not so Light reasons…it seems “Hey baby, I think you’re my Twin Flame” could be the latest New Age pickup line!
Does my heart feel so open wide that I love all things?
Do I have a huge dose of unconditional self-love?
Do I have a huge doses of unconditional love for every being on the planet?
True Twin Flame Litmus Testing to Be Released Next Fall!
Joking:) So you wanna take a litmus test to know if your guy/gal is the Twin Flame for you?! Pee into this panel and I’ll send it off to the lab and tell ya:) Kidding! While they haven’t come out with a Twin Flame fool proof test, you can try this one to get some good ideas:
Have I “come out of the closet” as a healer, indigo, crystal child, rainbow, etc, or do I hide myself and my talents to “play it safe” in front of my partner?
T or F? In a way, I know I could leave this person, because we are so entirely at one that on some level it doesn’t matter if we’re together or apart. I have faced my fears of disappointing him or her and my own fears of abandonment.
Am I staying with this person for the sake of the children, appearances, or out of insecurity?
Do I find this person attractive on most all levels?
Has your partner ever abused you verbally, physically, or psychically?
Is your relationship of service to the planet in a way that serves people outside of the relationship/family? (This can count even if it’s through deep love energetically releasing to the world).
Is there one single thing that doesn’t fit that keeps eating away at you or the relationship that you can’t let go for over more than a year? Sorry, I hate to break it to you, but this sounds like a deal-breaker…
Have you not unlocked some really old childhood fears and behaviors and family programs that are inhibiting your current relationship to a great degree? (this is not a total sign s/he isn’t the one, but it’s a good sign that as you heal, your energy will greatly shift making you more TF eligible).
Does your partner fully love you and support you and accept you?
Does your partner reject your ideas frequently, or not understand who you are on the deepest level?
Do you and your partner not know a lot about each others Higher Self energies?
Would you give your life for this person? If so, that’s not a good sign! You have to always put yourself first:) That was a trick question BTW!
Truly the best way to know if someone is your Twin Flame is to know yourself. Don’t forget that you are your greatest resource at all moments, and you are the Godchild/Goddesschild of the One. Feel free to check out my video How Do I Know if Someone is My Twin Flame?
Kundalini (Sanskrit कुण्डलिनी) is the electrical wavelike energy that runs up the base of the spine. It is represented as a sleeping serpent/snake or goddess who awaits to be awakened. This form of feminine shakti, or “corporeal energy” is usually awakened during a deep meditation, an enlightenment experience, the soul’s desire to know God/dess, and/or through sexual bliss.
I often have kundalini signs in the form of snakes coming into my life.
One of the best ways to describe kundalini is the Twin Flame energy: Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine snakes that ride up and down the androgynous (neutral) pathway of the spine.
The Kundalini Energy Pathways
Kundalini energy rises up the spine in snakelike or wavelike motions centered around the spine-axis.
These yin-yang energies drop from Father Sky and rise from Mother Earth, and meet within us in the spine and chakra centers, traveling through electro and biomagnetic fields within our spine and spinal fluid.
Kundalini energy has been represented in cultures around the world in ancient art, from Ancient Greece, Turkey, Mayan Civilizations, India, Egypt, Afghanistan, and beyond. The clues have also been hidden and preserved within Masonic Temples and even in the Christian art.
What Is Kundalini Awakening or Kundalini Rising?
All of us have kundalini energy dormant within us. However, not everyone has awakened kundalini. When we consciously or unconsciously choose to awaken our kundalini energies, an ancient gateway opens that connects us on Earth and to the Cosmos. This Stargate gives us direct access to our Higher Self and to higher spiritual information.
This awakening is called Kundalini Awakening or Kundalini Rising. It can be felt in slight or even dramatic energetic releases or pulsations, as well as in the form of a major spiritual awakening or life crisis. When you have a Kundalini Awakening, it means that it is time for your personality to awaken to the ancient sacred records and memories contained in your soul. There is a need for your human self and your Higher Self to be integrated. Attempting to shut it down a kundalini awakening can create harm to the body and soul.
What Does Kundalini Rising Feel Like?
Kundalini energy can feel similar to subtle chi energy experienced during a tai chi session, acupuncture treatment, or reiki healing. Or, it can be much more intense and can feel like a full-body orgasm where you have to let go and let God! To me, kundalini energy feels like a combination of a pulsation and a wave, of light, electricity, and water.
I feel it most often while dancing and lovemaking, but a good meditation session can be just as blissful. I also recommend meditating while self-pleasuring, which I call “masturtation” – imagine the snakelike energy flowing up and down the spine while connecting to the earth and sky. Allow the sexual pleasure from your yoni to conjoin with the electrical pulsations so that human (earthly) pleasures connects with celestial star pleasures. This is a symbol of the Twin Flame Union as well.
A deep dissatisfaction or a yearning for inner development
Inner sensations of light, sound, current, or heat
A heightened inner or outer awareness; increased sensitivity
Feelings of energy flowing or vibrating within
Special abilities, capacities, and talents
Spontaneous bodily movements or breathing patterns
Psychological issues coming forward
Atypical sensations or sensitivities
An interest in spiritual growth or in metaphysics or the esoteric
Compassion and a desire to help others
Asense that something non-ordinary, transformative, or holy is happening within
Personal development, and optimally, spiritual transformation and realization
‘Kundalini syndrome‘ is used to describe the physical and psychological symptoms manifested through blocked kundalini. I’ve known many clients and friends who experience kundalini energies rising up their spines during sex, meditation, dance, and in everyday activities. Kundalini awakenings can be pleasant and orgasmic, subtle or slight, or they can be overwhelming and tumultuous. I have also witnessed many who consciously or unconsciously attempt to suppress the awakening process because it terrifies them; or, at least a part of them doesn’t feel ready. Blocking kundalini flow that wants to rise is not a good bet. This can lead to migraines, back pain, chronic candida, anxiety, depression, other health and mental health issues, and root chakra issues, such as poverty issues and survival fears.
It can be a strange experience at first, to feel electrical pulsations riding up your spine and emitting out of your body. If you don’t know what they are, or how to maneuver them, kundalini energy can feel unfamiliar and even scary. I had a friend who had her first major kundalini experience while sitting on the toilet, and it freaked her out. She didn’t know what it was and shouted for it to stop. The energy stopped and she shut it down. Interestingly, this friend also suffered from a chronic case of migraines, chronic pain, candida, and other health issues.
Kundalini is nothing to be afraid of, but I recommend if you’re feeling overwhelmed to get professional support from a healer you trust. Start going slow, especially if you’re feeling uncomfortable. Always be extra careful when experimenting with kundalni while using plant medicine or practicing tantra.
When I had a kundalini awakening experience in my early twenties, I was subconsciously fighting it and became so sick I could hardly walk.
I had chronic migraines, sinusitis, and fatigue that no doctor could heal. I dove into my spiritual path and used herbs, nutrition, and acupuncture to heal myself. It wasn’t until years later that I put together that what I was having was a kundalini awakening experience!
Twin Flame Kundalini
As within all of creation, there is the left pillar, representing the Divine Feminine, the right pillar, representing the Divine Masculine, and the spine – the Zero Point, where the two snakes become one in holy union (Divine Oneness). Activated kundalini flow allows a deep soul-healing, can clear away pain and blockages, and emotes the frequency of Twin Flame Love.
Each human has these two “serpents” within them – a male and a female serpent; when activated and harmonized, the two snakes dance together up the spine and create a unique soul-song in the spine that opens up various parts of the brain and creates a hyper-conscious awareness. It can contribute to increased psychic abilities and an awareness of the Higher Self that makes Twin Flame attraction easy.
Literally, this psychic consciousness allows us to work consciously with the Law of Attraction so you know exactly when and where to meet your other soul half. Twin Flame Kundalini is the merging of the four serpents: the male snake of the female partner merges with the female snake of the male partner, and vice versa (and in same-sex couples it’s the same).
The Twin Flame sexual union marries together the two soul-halves and through this ancient snake dance; the Twin Flame pair bridges the gap of separation of self from other, heaven from earth. The wound of separation can then be healed, and the Twin Flame partners move forward in the world with a new perspective and divine connection. When the two serpents merge, a new dimension or doorway opens.
This is why during lovemaking, I have had surreal cosmic experiences where I have passed through the Stargates and have co-existed in the two worlds. I have seen my partner shape-shift into various celestial forms, and have watched cosmic light grids appear throughout his physical body. Further, these experiences have allowed my psychic and channeling gifts to become activated. The experience is fantastically healing.
Kundalini Pre Twin Flame Union
Within Twin Flames, kundalini usually awakens either in both or one of the Twins prior to the Twin Flame Union. The energy of kundalini is more powerful than any human energy, and to harness it, it helps to practice a kundalini meditation several times per week. To stimulate a kundalini activation, you can place a piece of Serpentine or Aurora Quartz at the root chakra and at the crown, to draw the kundalini up the spine. Red jasper can also be used at the root chakra as well.
Many Twin Flame Kundalini blessings!
Dr. Amanda Noelle, The Twin Flame Matchmaker, helps single stellar spiritual women swiftly align with their Twin Flame and Starchildren.
PS: Courageous, Conscious, Sexy, Single Woman!
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