by Dr Amanda Noelle | Jun 21, 2014 | Twin Flame Signs, Twin Flame Spirituality, Uncategorized |
Call me Crazy! What’s Wrong with Being Crazy?
So one of my biggest fears has been to be perceived as a crazy woman. I’ve been called crazy by almost every man I have dated, and it’s my pet peeve. Call me crazy, but I don’t think I am the only woman alone in this matter. In fact, I believe that it’s a woman’s deepest hidden (or known) fear: to be a crazy woman. Yet after years of fearing that I was crazy, I finally embraced it, and the good news is that I think that there’s nothing crazy or bad about being crazy at all! In fact, since I have embraced my inner crazy woman and stopped being so embarrassed by hear out of control waves of emotion, energy, and passion, I realized that I’m more grounded, stable, and “normal” than ever. OK, maybe not on the outside all the time (like in my Burning Man pic above), but the energy within me feels calmer, tender, grounded, peaceful, and the waves of hormones are in balance too. I used to struggle from hormonal issues and waves of suicidal depression would hit me for a day or two each month before my period. I had chronic acne around my chin and was afraid of feeling my emotions because I thought I would go crazy.
My Crazy Meltdown
Before my 30th birthday I did something crazy that got me in trouble, got me arrested (it wasn’t as bad as Orange is the New Black), and I nearly lost my mind for a few months because of the stress, sleep deprivation, and trauma. But during that time I just let my feelings fly, not editing them, just feeling them. I got so sleep-deprived that one day I called a free suicide hotline at 6am because I could barely handle the dose of crazy that I was hitting; I was told by a therapist that I should go on anti-depressants. I thought about it, but it didn’t feel like a yes in my heart.
The Healing Medicine Was to Feel
So, instead, I just let myself go into the pain, cry, and cry. And cry and cry. And talk, with family, friends, therapists. Then weep some more. Talk to the trees if I needed to. Talk to my dog. And I erupted the feelings that were welled up within me since my childhood, and perhaps something deep, ancient, and primordial for the Divine Feminine. All I can say is that it was an intense Dark Night of the Soul. What happened is that it took me many months of healing, and a slow and steady journey of feeling into my healing over a period of a few years. But slowly I have realized that I am happier than I have ever been, and that my inner crazy isn’t crazy at all! It’s a huge gift of creative force energy that is passionate for life.
Women Are Crazy Walking Miracles
So call me crazy again, but aren’t woman by our nature kinda crazy? Isn’t it absolutely nuts that we can:
- Make tiny people out of one sperm in our wombs?
- Give birth to these people and raise them with our intuition?
- Drop an egg out of our ovaries every month, sometimes on the dot?
- Mirror the cycle of the moon in the sky (come on, a 28-day lunar cycle in your pants is pretty crazy)?
- Make milk out of thin air and deliver it out of our tatas?
- Have multiple orgasms?
Since my crazy dark night of the soul, I have created a life of crazy bad-ass miracles. I created a community of beautiful women who are following their passions. I have traveled the world, from Bali to Greece to Costa Rica. I have built a successful 6-figure BLI$$ness working 3-days per week. I have matched many women to their Twin Flames. I have given birth to Aphrodite University, the first online Divine Feminine-based university for High-Healed Priestess. So the next time you are afraid of being called crazy, or you label yourself as a crazy woman, why not think of crazy as an awesome word? Like wicked became wicked cool, or nigger became nigga’, or dyke became a term used in the LGBT community.
“Girl, you so crazy!!!!”
Well thank thank you, thank you very much. I do know that I am crazy sometimes, and in a good way. I love it, and I am proud. Redefining crazy is all that I needed. And the gods must be crazy too, because look at this place, it’s hilarious! Dr. Amanda Noelle is the Founder of Aphrodite University and she helps empower women to live their most crazy blissful dreams in real life.
by Dr Amanda Noelle | Jun 12, 2014 | Divine Feminine Awakening, Twin Flame Attraction, Twin Flame Love, Twin Flame Spirituality |
Watch my Dolphin DNA Activation for Twin Flame Attraction above!
Dolphins are an ancient symbol of Twin Flame Love, and they can help you with your Twin Flame attraction by activating your energy field. In our ancient collective subconscious mind, we view dolphins as a symbol of soul pods and soul reunion.
Can I get an 11:11 eeeee! Dolphins sing a song of oneness in the water; they sing individually but the water carries the sound creating sound healing vortexes and unity that contribute to the 11:11 frequency – or Twin Flame Oneness frequency where 1+1=a greater 1.
Dolphins emit joy, play, and freedom when given the open ocean. They are a great inspiration for us humans who can get a tad serious, attached to our desks and picket fence dreams. Dolphins need nothing but water, food, and love. They remind us of our own basic need, which is to love!
HOW CAN DOLPHINS HELP YOU MEET YOUR TWIN FLAME?
Dolphins can help you attract your beloved by invoking the emotional frequency that you desire that come from watching dolphins, swimming with dolphins, praying and meditating with their energy, or simply gazing at an image of a dolphin!
Dolphins are symbolic of freedom and bonds, like water molecules themselves. They are free and follow their bliss, and love openly. Dolphins have an immense capacity to open, heal, and activate the human heart.
Dolphins are like living crystals, mammalian bodies holding crystalline energy. They emit frequencies and sound healing acvtivations that crystalize your water, blood, and energy field. The sound healing and crystalline healing of dolphins can activate Twin Flame Love, especially when prayers and intentions are in place. Even looking at pictures of dolphins activates a frequency – can you feel it? Can you feel into the joy, bliss, and Higher Dimensional vibes. Right now I don’t have the evidence or technology to prove this (though it may be out there), but those of you who can feel that love in your heart and can imagine dolphin clearing pain codes through the center of your being
SEVEN TWIN FLAME ATTRACTION DOLPHIN SECRETS
Secret One
Pray over a bowl of sea salted spring water or ocean water. Add a hunk of amethyst, rose quartz, and crystal quartz. Sit and do your Twin Flame prayer or meditation. Imagine the image of you and your Twin Flame appearing in the water, swimming together.
Secret Two
Connect with dolphin spirits. At least one or two. Or perhaps you are connected to an entire pod. You may be feel connected to a Sirian or Pleaidian consciousness as you do this. Ask the dolphin spirits to help you activate the Twin Flame prayer blessing. Imagine them lifting blocks and heartache, DNA disturbances, energies and toxins that hold you back. Ask the Dolphins to activate your Twin Flame DNA.
Secret Three
Imagine 144 dolphins surrounding you in the center of a crystal healing cavern under the sea. You may even want to imagine your Twin Flame mermaid self as your Twin Flame merman approaches you. Have the dolphins send you the 432 hz sound healing frequency which is a highly activating Twin Flame and water crystallizing frequency.
Secret Four
Galactivate – activate Twin Flame Love with dolphin star power! Staring at the stars, or praying underneath the stars can help you activate your upper chakras, which represents your Higher Self. Dolphin consciousness exist in the Higher Dimensions and we are learning how to do this as humans. During your dolphin Twin Flame prayers or meditations, you can go outside underneath the stars and feel a connection to your starry origins. Everything is made of stardust, and your soul comes from this Higher Dimensional home. You can partake in a starseed activation: ask the energy of the Pleiades and Sirius through the Galactic Family of Light and the Dolphin Dimensions to bless you and your Twin Flame.
Secret Five
Get a 432 hz tuning fork and ask your dolphin spirits to activate it. Bang a 432 hz tuning fork and put the base against a bowl of spring water with sea salts inside. This water is activated. You can put in your Twin Flame blessings and use the water for a sacred ritual, such as placing it on your chakras or temples.
Secret Six
You can simply pray over images of dolphins and ask the dolphin spirits to assist you in your Twin Flame magnetism! Google search images of dolphins and you’ll feel connected and giddy just tuning into their soul frequency!
Secret Seven
Paint your own dolphin portrait that represents your Twin Flame energy. I did this, and it worked miracles! The secret here is to pain from your pleasure, from your joy, and let go of expectation.
I hope you enjoyed learning a few dolphin secrets and that you feel your Dolphin DNA tingling, a good sign your Twin Flame energies are revved up!
I look forward to seeing you at the Twin Flame Activation on 11/11 here!
Twin Flame Dolphin Love,
Dr. Amanda Noelle
![How to Manifest Your Twin Flame Quickly! Three Flaming Hot Tips to Ignite Twin Flame Love]()
by Dr Amanda Noelle | May 30, 2014 | Uncategorized |
As a Twin Flame Matchmaker, I have found that there are so many women and men who get stuck in gloom and doom when it comes to attracting their soulmate or Twin Flame, and they stay stuck and single when they don’t have to! We are more powerful than we know, as we are reflections of our Creator (whatever you call this powerful force), so we can create what our heart desires!
This article will help you manifest your Twin Flame as fast as humanly possible, because I know when you want it you want it now…or yesterday! But trust me, Twin Flame manifestation can be ridiculously fast if you tune into the Field of Universal Creation and surrender to the forces that be! I have helped clients, fans, and friends manifest their Twin Flames in as little has a few days, and in one instance, within a few hours! It’s a pretty magical energy to witness and to see physicalized, especially when I get invited to the wedding and get to sip champagne smugly thinking about how great a matchmaker I am 🙂 I just love love and am proud to be a holder of the Aphrodite Touch!
What not to do? Get stuck in a pit of despair
Don’t despair if you’re feeling single and stuck today, as you really can’t predict what is going to happen tomorrow (or you can if you stay positive and make it happen!). Sometimes even the most desperate and despairing women come to me with only one last tiny shred of hope, and I get them to surrender to their ultimate Divine Love, a well within them, and we bust some blockages and POOF! It’s truly delightful to watch them U-turn around into their heart’s desires and manifest that magical partner they’ve been waiting for for…forever!
This article, How to Manifest Your Twin Flame Quickly will help you immensely if:
- You have been working on yourself for a long time to be the best you can be, and feel that you’re truly ready to attract your beloved
- You’re healthy, on an emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual level
- You’re certain that you’re on a Twin Flame path, not just a Karmic Soulmate path; you are here to meet the soulmate of soulmates, the one true Twin Flame
- Meeting and marrying your Twin Flame has been a huge calling for a long time, and it’s frustrating not to have him/her yet!
- You are fully devoted to self-improvement and spiritual growth, and your Twin Flame will be a partner who supports you to grow further and faster
- You have a big heart, and it’s overflowing – your love needs somewhere to go!
- You have a huge soul purpose and you want your Twin Flame to join you for the ride to enjoy co-creating your most magnificent life to make this world a better place
- You’re willing to throw your skepticism out the window for just a moment and will just shut up and listen to what this Twin Flame Matchmaker has to say!
Alright darling, let’s get down to BLI$$ness, and share the top secrets to helping you ring in the Twin Flame partner and fast. Disclaimer: some of these tips aren’t for the weak, so buckle up and hunker down and be strong… whatever you do, don’t give up on love! Now let’s get your Twin Flame groove on.
Tip #1: Get Happy Being YOU as a Single Gal or Guy
You complete yourself. Your Twin Flame partner will be able to smell you from a mile away, as we’re all energetically sensitive beings and we have fantastic instincts. The question to ask is: Would you want to be with you? If you’re unhappy in your life, he or she is going to sense that gloom, and it’s not going to be a turn on. Men are attracted to happy and fulfilled goddesses flowing with nectar, just like bees are attracted to the sweet perfumed nectar of a flower.
To avoid: the Single Woman’s Vicious Cycle
What I see commonly in my clients is what I call the ‘Single Woman’s Vicious Cycle’ where you start getting lonely, and loneliness breeds depression, gloom, and hopelessness. Then you start dating the wrong people, lowering the bar and feeling desperate, feeling sorry for yourself, and doing silly things like staying in on Friday night with Ben and Jerry’s instead of following your heart’s deepest desires! You might even gain a a few pounds in the process and use that as an excuse not to be dating at the moment. Girl, you gotta get off the couch, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and do whatever you can to get happy and excited, there is a great guy or gal waiting out there and s/he’s reserved for YOU!
Let me clarify that I am not saying that you have to be happy with being single forever; I am just saying that a happy girl will attract more happiness and at the divinely perfect moment, a happy partnership. So do whatever it takes to be happy: join activities, social groups, exciting organizations that get your energy running fast. Choose to stay positive! Get your life moving in the fast lane….Work that body and get a good sweat on with daily workouts with a few breaks a week. Listen to music that pumps you up – you know, those sexy songs that make you wanna go look in the mirror and dance and check yourself out. You gotta start to feel like the bell of the ball in your own universe, and this will make the others’ heads turn and hearts beat in your rhythm.
To manifest your Twin Flame, really dive deep into celebrating life! It’s short anyways, and the sooner you get into the positive vibration, you will bring in a partner who reflects this love for life! Do you want to attract someone who is stuck and lonely? So don’t be stuck and lonely, get out there, have fun doing whatever weird hobbies suit you and be in a bliss vibration. You might not attract a partner at your 80s night girls night, but you will be covered in rainbow bliss vibes that he’ll pick up on the next day in the cafe.
You will always attract the perfect reflection of you or what you need to work on – why not magnetize a happy reflection!
TAKE ACTION: BLI$$ HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT
To get happy and excited, I really recommend becoming a manifestations collaging nerd. Go gather magazines and play music that gets you juicy and ready to birth your dream. Then start collaging the relationship and life that you’re ready to be leading, and feel yourself manifesting it into 3D as you put together your creation down. Think of it as a BLI$$ness plan for your love life! Vivid pictures will implant subconscious messages in your mind. Don’t worry if this sounds abstract or weird, I have lots of clients who question the assignment but swear by it afterward when what they’ve collaged shows up in their life.
Tip # 2 Declutter Your Past
The past is what holds our icky relationship limitation stuff. You gotta take out the trash! Though the past serves us as a teacher, teaching us what we want and what we don’t, the past is also where I see people holding onto old blockages that slow down the Twin Flame manifestation. Remember that there is nothing but the now, and you want to get a high vibrating happy life now! It’s time to create a new canvas by letting go of old childhood pain, things that represent awkward times in your life, sad times, and past relationships. Keep the gems of these experiences, but let go of anything that does not serve you now.
Decluttering time! Why keep around all those old FB pics of exes, or the scarf from the Amalfi Coast he gifted you on your birthday (I know it’s cute but get rid of it already!) when it just reminds you of the sad breakup afterward? Go and release anything that represents struggle, relationship strife, or any old attachment to someone that will compete or inhibit your Twin Flame relationship from coming in. Think of everything…you might even want to let go of that expired last name from your ex husband!
Go through all aspects of your life: declutter each of the rooms in your home, let go of anything not working for you in your current friendships, reevaluate your career, upgrade your lingerie collection, and go through all your clothes. Release anything that’s not an 7 out of 10 or more in your life! Let go of anything that doesn’t fit you like a glove for the absolutely joyful and magnificent Twin Flame relationship you’re calling in. It’s time to create your life your way, a portal of bliss. Lots of women prepare for their Twin Flames by becoming man-pleasers, but they only end up in men who expect them to do one thing: please them! Design a life of pleasure surrounding you that pleases you first, and you will have a very happy man like a bee buzzing around your flower in BLI$$!
Tip #3 Radical Self-Acceptance
I know that this tip seems like it’s going to contradict the ones above, but that’s the beauty of radical self-acceptance! You are perfect the way you are! This one is such a fun paradox. The reality is, when you meet and marry your Twin Flame, you will be married to each others’ imperfections for life (we hope!) and this means that you’re going to have to learn how to accept yourself first. Sure it’s nice to try to be a happy superhuman all the time, and it’s a fun game to see how much you can grow and become a super goddess. Yet you are simply a human! And we get things like bad breath, bad credit, and bad kinky thoughts. So what!? So does every other living breathing thing, and the sooner we accept this, the sooner we can move forward and celebrate.
Which of the three tips is the most important? I’d say the latter…What do you think? Please post your comments below and let me know what other tips you have to share.
by Dr Amanda Noelle | May 20, 2014 | Uncategorized |
When we lose a love in our life – someone or something we really loved – is it ever possible to fully recover from the loss? And what can you do to move on? Love is something we create; but when we lose a love it can make us crazy. We hurt so badly, going “Where did the love go?!”
In this post, I will address the fastest way to turn lemons into lemonade, and how to turn loss into love.
This week I personally suffered a devastating loss. As some of you may have noticed or heard, my YouTube account, AphrodisiacTV, was mistakenly deleted by a communication misunderstanding with Google Apps tech support. The support staff agent didn’t know what she was doing, and wasn’t clear about what I was asking for, and in trying to help me, she walked me
through the process of permanently deleting my Google Plus account which erases everything on your YouTube as well (since Google now owns YouTube). Just days before, I had been celebrating my YouTube channel success with my friend and BLI$$ness Producer, Melissa Waldron. It was a dream to have a successful YouTube channel, and I had worked through so many self-confidence battles to take it to where it was in just 3 short years. I’d uploaded over 300 videos, accumulated over a quarter million views, and reached a couple thousand subscribers. My YouTube channel is indeed how I have met so many of you cool people, attracted my Soulmate Clients, helped people attract their Twin Flames, and build my 6-figure BLI$$ness out of nothing but love and $200! A few hours later after talking with Melissa, I went back to my channel, and it was gone. Vanished. Caput. All I saw a message that my account was closed. My heart fell into my stomach. Earlier that day, I’d also received several compliments from fans saying that my videos had changed their lives personally in significant ways. It was so touching to hear how I’d inspired one woman to go for her dreams to and another to attract her Twin Flame. When at midnight all I could stare at was a black screen that said “This account is closed,” I wondered what the h$ll God was thinking! I spent hours researching why this had happened and how to remedy the problem. I spent hours researching why this had happened and how to remedy the problem. I’d done nothing wrong: it was clearly a mistake of Google’s staff not being trained in YouTube support yet they don’t even have a YouTube support line. I spent a few days in confusion, anger, denial, desperation, and also a vague feeling of hope. I felt helpless, like someone who had been dumped, thrown aside, abandoned. It is heartbreaking to realize that 300 videos that had taken hours to make, edit, and release, were never going to be seen again. I had put my heart, soul, and best information into those videos with just a broken link to show for it.
Death is part of life
Isn’t this just like a breakup? Where you demolish an outmoded structure that was once held by passion, where these sacred exchanges that taught you so much just fall by the wayside. And then one day, it’s all just gone, and you have to trust that something better will come along when you’re still on the floor plucking shards of glass from your bleeding knees. The worst moments in my life have been when he (some guy I pined after for days/months/years) leaves you or you leave him, or you mutually and lovingly decide to go separate ways, and you don’t have the next lily pad to hop onto. Instead, you’re floating around in the swamp muck with no clue as to when the next lotus blossom will bloom. It makes you question what the heck God is doing, and if there is a god at all. And it makes me really wonder if my Higher Self is an angel sniffing crack.
It just, hurts to know that we have to suffer and lose and go through pain.
No matter how spiritual you are, no matter how capable you are of making separations and tuning into Divine Love, it still hurts, at least for a little while. We are in that place of pain that happens before a rebirth. Yet behind the scenes, I knew everything was happening for reason! When I first saw the deleted channel, although there was lots of panicky thoughts racing through my mind, my Divine Mind said loudly and clearly, “This is happening because there’s something bigger that needs to come through, and this channel needs to be deleted to clear the path.” I always trust my guidance now, because I have learned that She is here to teach me. I have to listen now. After much experience, I now know that there is a deeper meaning for everything that happens, including every death, loss, breakup, and tragic event. I have been at the brunt of several, and I have undoubtedly seen the greater purpose of each one, once the event has passed. This is called graduating to the next level in the School of Life. It doesn’t mean that it’s easy to see or trust it, especially when it’s happening! But I have gotten enough practice from Spirit to know that it’s better to sit back, relax, and tune into the ‘blesson’ – the lesson + blessing – that is coming through to teach me where to go.
How to get though a disheartening loss
So what do you do when you go through a disheartening loss and you haven’t seen the deeper purpose in it yet? First, here’s what not to do, the mistakes. Here’s how most of us react out of our ego fear space:
- We see a disaster as a punishment from God, rather than as a lesson from our Higher Self
- We get stuck in the moment and see it as the dreary end, rather than as a new beginning
- We interpret our physical circumstances as the only circumstances; we ignore the metaphysical meaning that has the bigger blesson
- We apply false meaning to a situation, either consciously or subconsciously: i.e. “He left me because I am not good enough” or more insidious subconscious thoughts like: “My YouTube channel closed because I am too mystical for the world to appreciate me”
- Loss is happening to me because I am unlovable, not good enough, too feminine, weird, etc.
- We think, “Here we go again, I am being abandoned again! See, what’s the point of loving if I get left every time?!”
All kinds of dark subconscious and conscious thoughts ooze out of us that aren’t very nice. But isn’t it nice to know what we’re actually thinking about ourselves? If things were always peaching on the outside, we’d never know how we actually felt about ourselves on the inside. If you can go through a major loss, trauma, or hardship and come through stronger, you know that you really love yourself and feel worthy of healing. If you let the situation destroy you or become an excuse for failure or living life from fear, it means that there are a lot more lessons to learn! And the Universe will certainly bring them to you. Over, and over, and over again until you figure out the core of your belief systems, the BS, so you can remedy them. Here are my top tips to help you get through loss and death, breakups etc very quickly:
- See death as your teacher
- Do a loss/death ceremony
- Allow yourself time to hurt, grieve, and heal
- Talk to a counselor, coach, friend, or shaman
- Try to find the real reason this is happening by asking what energies are being purged, and which energies are you ready to call in?
- Be willing to let something greater show up, and don’t feel guilty or bad about this.
My answer is that no, you will never truly be the same person that you were before the love and before the loss. You are permanently changed, but you will soon realize that you are stronger, more capable to love, and of being loved. The sandstorm will die down and you will see the foundation of your heart has only grown more rooted with branches are open wide. I have seen my clients turn heartache and tragedy quickly into a healthy dose of self-love and divine trust which transforms into their Twin Flame relationship. I have also witnessed and have been someone who has dwelled on the past and have used that time to recalibrate who I am and figure out why I am here. My painful losses have been the medicine that has allowed me to love fully and deeply in my relationships, career, community, etc.
By hitting bottom, we know how deep we truly are!
There are no right or wrongs. If you get over the heartbreak in a day or a decade, know that as long as you keep going you are growing towards the light. You will eventually mend your heart and when you are ready, you will birth a new body of love again in a different form. It is always the same essence recycled though: Divine Universal Love! Everything is made up of that, in different configurations based on your current desires and need for conscious growth. The Universe always guides you in perfect timing. When the ground disappears underneath you and you drop, surrender, and perhaps enjoy the ride. My former YouTube channel is no longer, but I will build something even better. I am inspired now more than ever before to:
- Rebuild a higher end consciousness-meets-mainstream channel
- Write a book Twin Flame Ignited: Your Sacred Path to the Beloved
- Create a Twin Flame Love retreat and community on Crete!
Guess what happened within 24 hours of the death of my channel? A huge TV production company I had interviewed with offered me a gig on a reality TV show where I will be a Twin Flame Matchmaker! I am so psyched – I feel it’s time to bring Twin Flame relationships into the spotlight. I also got interviewed on Kara Maria Ananda’s Divina Radio Show on Twin Flames, which was life altering (her story melted my heart!). Before closing, in order to help us get through a death or loss, I suggest using these two simple questions:
- What is the real meaning behind why this is happening? And;
- Which energies are you now ready to call in with the space you’re creating via the loss?
Thanks for reading, let us know what your tools or tips are, and what you think in the comment box below. Namaste!
![How to Manifest Your Twin Flame Quickly! Three Flaming Hot Tips to Ignite Twin Flame Love]()
by Dr Amanda Noelle | Apr 9, 2014 | Uncategorized |
I used to think that I was a freak because I was always distracted, running late to appointments, getting lost in my own world, and doing 7 things at once that contradicted each other (like burning the rice on the stove while putting something really important on hold). The worst was getting yelled at by teachers, bosses, or coaches when I was young for not paying attention. If only they knew how hard it was for me to pay attention!
For me, paying attention was like trying to glue something heavy to a wall using cream cheese; unless I found something truly captivating, my mind would fly off into space. Once a subject lost my attention, my mind would swim off into another world. My first grade teacher would yell at me for being a day dreamer because I would daze out the window thinking about fairies (and I actually still believe that there were some, silly old man!). But the fairies were so much more exciting than listening to him talk about the capital in Turkey or how to do time tables.
My world is like living in a dream, where you don’t know which world is awake, and which world is asleep. To you “normal people,” if you lived in my world, you’d probably have more compassion for me too.
I was 17 when I was diagnosed with my learning disability. It was embarrassing to admit to my friends and family that my brain was some how less able. I envied the other smart kids’ who got the answer right on the first try or who could read quickly while taking reading comprehension tests without getting distracted. Reading comprehension was the worst! I still shudder to this day thinking about it.
But getting diagnosed my senior year in high school was actually a huge relief and a Godsend. After getting tested, I was told that I had a slight learning disability categorized as a “tracking disorder,” which was supposed to make things for me nearly impossible to do without writing things down and finding alternative ways of learning. The biggest gift at the time was that it allowed me to take my SATs or ACTs with extra time, which raised the scores dramatically, obviously. For a long time I felt guilty and that I didn’t belong to Duke University, my alma matter, because I felt I’d cheated on the test.
Now I realize that my life is so successful because I have learned to pretty much constantly cheat on everything, and that I have always had to do this. Because if I don’t do things my own way, I get bored, distracted, and my brain launches into space.
Fear and anxiety also trigger my learning disability, which make me make all kinds of silly mistakes, and sometimes I even get slurry in my speech, distracted, over excited, and making sense becomes a big challenge. You can notice this in some of my YouTube videos.
I am the fairy of BLI$$! I am learning BLI$$-abled!
Today what I love most about myself is that I call my learning disability a learning BLI$$ability, because I have had to learn how to learn in a new way, and it becomes fun and even blissful. To make money, I had to find work that was interesting. Because again, boredom for me makes it impossible for me to stay focussed. And, I couldn’t take a lot of high-stress detail oriented jobs, which is why for my entire 20s I was only making a 4-figure salary, struggling to pay rent (or not, and living with my parents!).
Sure it was hard to have a bigger brother who went to Brown and Princeton and a top MBA program in Spain without needing extra time on his SAT, GRE, or GMATs. But I have learned to be proud of my way, who I am, and my BLI$$ability. Further, my hatred of standard learning has inspired me to teach women how to study, earn and learn blissfully at my online university for High-Healed Priestesses called Aphrodite University.
If you have a learning BLI$$ability, know that all of your dreams can come true, and that your limitations are actually a gift. You do have to be creative, and to think of cheating as part of the game! There is no need to force yourself into a box when you can roam free and shake the world up, and have a lot of fun along the way. Maybe you’re not even meant to be an academic. For years I worked as a licensed esthetician and it was nice to take a brain break and just massage skin cream into people’s faces and talk about their ideal boyfriend or what their kids were doing. Just because you aren’t a doctor, lawyer, biz exec, etc., doesn’t mean that you are better or worse than anyone. Just be you, and know it’s enough. That you are Divine Love incarnate, and that’s pretty great!
The main thing is to love yourself where you are at, and to let go of perfectionism and expectations. You can have it all, even if you have a diagnosed (or undiagnosed) learning BLI$$ability. Here is a video on healing perfectionism that might inspire you further:
www.AphroditeUniversity.org
