My vulnerable space is mine. It does NOT allow a Creepy Guy to come in.
I often attend Ecstatic Dance, in an awesome community where there are lots of loving dancers. I’ve learned to open my heart there with some of the most amazing people you can imagine. There are also some creepy men that test my boundaries as a woman, and it makes a lot of us female dancers uncomfortable. Especially if we’ve been violated in some way in the past.
Something I’ve Termed ‘Rape Dancing’
Sometimes I am having a sweet tender dance moment alone in deep vulnerability, and I’ll open my eyes and find one of these guys dancing in my space. I’ve termed this ‘rape dancing’ as it feels like a violation, but mostly I feel sad for these guys because they have no idea that they’re trying to penetrate into our tender feminine spaces because they haven’t accessed their own.
Creepy Guys Can Kill the Mood
Other times, I will be dancing with a circle of several women friend and feeling a deep bliss of the goddess. Then, predictably, one of the older, grayer, creepy guys will come in the middle and try to become part of it. Sometimes we pretend we’re like “Yay, thanks for stoppin’ by Creepy Guy!” But secretly we’re all kinda cringing inside, and often his visit kills the sisterhood energy and we go back to dancing solo. Sometimes we giggle about it, and other times it’s straight annoying.
The ‘Dance Away’ – the Dance to Save Your Night/Life!
The “Dance Away” is the move my friend invented for when the creepy men who follow you around on the dance floor (and this could be a metaphor in life). Sometimes if they seem like they’re acting stalker-like or weird, I react and act weird back, and show them I’m NOT into it quite clearly. Sometimes I’ll almost run away from a Creepy Guy with a smile on my face like “Yes, this Goddess needs to boogie away from you ASAP or she’ll break out in hives, thanks!” But I do this with love, with a playful silliness, and I don’t let them spoil my mood. Because this is MY dance, and I am one fun gal who needs her Wednesday night ecstasy.
Also, most rapists will leave you alone if you run away and scream, so use your tools sisters, and you’ll be safe to be ecstatic!
Overcoming a Creepy Guy Experience
I was totally excited when I joined my dance community, I felt so free and at home. I was still a little girl then, in my late 20s. I
hadn’t learned how to set boundaries both psychically and literally. The conscious dance community was the perfect place for me to practice my boundaries safely, and it has been an awesome learning space! At my second dance, I connected with a man with whom I’d danced on my first-time dance evening. He danced with lots of women, so I assumed that he was safe – the theory was, if they did it, I should too. I went into a room where they had contact improv and it was fun dancing with him. He was very playful and acrobatic, like me. Then, as the dance progressed, Creepy Guy became more and more sensual, and I just figured “Well, that’s how this dance is, it’s contact, right?”
Creepy Guy and I went to sit down for a break, I confided in him that I’d just been diagnosed that day with a medical condition I was concerned about. He explained that he was a Middle Eastern healer and came from a lineage of healers and worked as a massage therapist and thought he could help me.
“What the hell,” I thought, in a room of 50 people, what could happen? So I lay down, and let him work on my back. 15-minutes into the massage, which was a really good massage by the way, I noticed something strange.
This man’s cock n’ balls were laying in the palm of my hands. I was horrified!
“Whoa!” I pulled my hand back. He said something to apologize as if he hadn’t noticed his posture. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because maybe he was in a deep healing trance? Of course, I’m the paranoid one…. So then, when the massage was over, I felt a bit uneasy. We sat up and this guy looked into my eyes with a straight face and said: “Here’s the thing. I come from an ancient tradition so this is going to sound weird, but I need to lick your tongue for this healing.”
Don’t Barf, Just Politely or Rudely (Do What Feels Right to YOU), Leave the Creepy Situation!
On the verge of barfing at this short, bald, unattractive (to my taste) man asking me to French kiss him, I politely pulled away and made an excuse to go use the bathroom. This Creepy Guy was talented. It took me two years to figure out that he wasn’t really a healer. Two years later, one of my good friends told me a slightly different horrifying experience about the same guy who told her things so sexually explicit that it freaked her out so badly she ran out of the room and didn’t want to go back to dances for months.
The energy of hatred and fear was heavy in my field. It wasn’t a good vibe for me. Yet after some healing work and self-realization, I now see Creepy Guys as if they were cooky weird clowns versus scary wolves like I used to – it makes it fun to be on the dance floor and I feel safer. I often remind my inner child who is still afraid of the Creepy Guys that her whole community is there to support her, that nothing will happen to her when there are 20+ people in the room – that’s what heart-based community is for – for you/we to heal from the Creepy Guys. I have also really committed to doing whatever it takes to make my inner child safe, and often this is simply a reminder that I am a conscious adult with all the power in the world to say yes or say no. And I include her in the decisions of whom and whom I don’t want to dance with.
Creepy Guys Are a Gift to Help us Women Set Boundaries
In community it can happen in a loving and empowering way and it does NOT mean you can’t speak your truth or do a dramatic Dance Away! I kinda enjoy my power now to say “Buddy, get away from me, you are creepin’ me out!” with NO apologies attached. My dances are orgasmic, ecstatic and spiritual. I feel safe to do them in scantily clad very sensual and sexy dance-wear. This is my freedom, and just because I am wearing a dance bra-top with booty shorts doesn’t mean that I have to or want to bring in Creepy Guy energy. NOPE! I prefer to bring in LOVE as I express, explore, and share my unique sensuality with whom I do (or DON’T) please.
I have healed, changed, and rewired my relationship to creepy guys. Now I don’t attract them nearly as much, and I certainly don’t let them enter into my field. I feel an energy out from afar, and when I am not sure, I go slow. Sometimes I even ask questions or communicate for clarification, coming from a place of compassion and also protection for myself. This is a big act of self-love, and in turn honors them. Lately, I have been attracting high-vibing dancers into my field and don’t even pay attention to the creepies in the room. When I see one, I feel the ick, but let it go within seconds and then send them love and gratitude.
And then I use the dance-away sometimes too!
That’s it for this blog. Have you checked out the video, 3 Tantric Tips to Heal The Root Chakra to Attract Your Twin Flame?
Dr. Amanda Noelle is a Professional Twin Flame Coach and Soulmating Fairy. She specializes in helping single, spiritual women find the deep inner-love they long for so they can attract their Divine Partner. Schedule her for a FREE Twin Flame Love Strategizing Session here.