In order to call in your Twin Flame and truly live an abundant life, you have to heal every part of yourself, including your past. You can’t hold on to the anger from a past relationship. You cannot send hate to your ex and send love to your current partner and be in soul-alignment: Oneness doesn’t work that way! If you don’t heal your energetic relationships with exes, you will be holding on to heavy weight energy blocks. This will attract Twin Flame Counterfeits, Twin Flame Runners, Karmic Soulmates, etc, and it’s not pretty! In order to attract your one true Twin Flame you must heal all relationships, even the most painful and hurtful past relationship that you thought you’d moved on from.
It’s time to heal all ex relationships (and even past crushes!)
Exes are like previous seasons who have helped you cultivate your crop. Some are like spring: blooming you into blossom. Others are like winter–giving you a rest and testing your survival. But all the seasons are important to you, as they make you the well-rounded goddess you are!
Above is a photo I recently re-discovered of me and my first long-term relationship. Enrico was the Italian who Shanghaied me, literally to Shanghai China, where we lived for 1.5 years. These were the hardest and most growth-filled years of my 20s, but I don’t regret them. I didn’t speak the language. The weather was harsh in 2 of the four seasons, and the other two were very short. I was constantly on my last few bit of Yuan–so financially broke that I rode a bike in the streets of Shanghai with 1000s of others where I was the only white girl! A sea of black hair, then me. The blond… It was the most painful relationship to let go of in my 20s, but I did it because I new that there was something bigger for me. But it took me a long time to heal from it, and the way I finally healed was through gratitude.
Loneliness was something I learned to deal with on a deep level–both in China, and in my relationship with Enrico. At age 24, I didn’t know anyone in Shanghai, and my man wasn’t compatible on the spiritual level. I was starting to wake up, and my spiritual gifts and pursuits frightened him. So I went into my own world and opened up alone, and hid my passions from him in our relationship. It was some of the most exciting stuff and I wanted to share it with someone, but I was still new to the shamanic world and didn’t think anyone would relate.
Loneliness gets healed when you realize that you are never alone. I started embracing my loneliness and slowly it became apparent that I wasn’t alone. I became friends with a dear friend of mine from Germany who would give me psychic readings and supported me so much during that time. I also became content with being the only blond on a block of 10,000 people and feeling OK with being different. What a gift, actually!
I tried leaving that relationship many times. But there was a great deal of love and compassion (and co-dependence) for each other, and leaving love is never easy. I tried packing up my bags and coming back to California, but something kept me stuck in Shanghai for what felt like a long time. At least Enrico had a great sense of humor, and taught me a lot about not taking life seriously! There were many good times, between the bad… I got to go visit his family just outside of Venice, Italy a few times and experienced some of the best home cooked food of my life!
The problem is that for many years after the relationship, I didn’t focus on gratitude for my relationship with Enrico. I would subtly bad mouth him in front of people, because I hadn’t fully been in my power in the relationship and hadn’t expressed my feelings when I was in it. I wish I had been able to heal my pain and focus on gratitude sooner; I would have probably not have attracted my Twin Flame Counterfeit, taken so long to meet my Twin Flame, and have gone through so much drama!
Appreciate the spiritual growth
Life has its ups and downs, but you grow so much on a deep spiritual level, even through your pain.
There is no faking it–sometimes it’s just awful! Like the time I finally had the courage to say goodbye to Enrico and leave him in Shanghai, knowing that I would likely never see him again. But I didn’t cry because it felt done, I had cried so much already. I’d been wanting to do it for a long time, it was complete. And then I cried like a baby saying goodbye to our housekeeper Xiao Ping, my ‘big sister’ who had seen me through my loneliness and pain when Enrico was gone at work and I stayed home working hard at my first business (as a personal trainer and wellness coach, and not succeeding). Being in a relationship with the “wrong guy,” a Karmic Soulmate, seems to call in Soul Family–people who are here to teach you and help you grow. Some of the best friends in my life have come through supporting each other around our relationship issues!
Sometimes you gotta leave and it’s hard. You blame yourself. You have to forgive yourself for what you did then. You chose not to stay stuck in your pain. Celebrate your bravery–you got out!
You don’t need to punish yourself and stick around playing the Twin Flame Runner game: where time and time again you are heartbroken and hurt by men you think is your Twin Flame, or by crushes who don’t requite your love. I see my female clients doing this all the time. They hurt someone in the past so they subconsciously decide they deserve to be hurt rather than getting what they want.
You deserve a deep relationship, with true Twin Flame Love.
Gratitude is one of the biggest keys to attract your Twin Flame relationship
Here is the most important key to letting go of exes and moving into a Twin Flame vibration. It is to ask yourself: What did I learn from this relationship? Instead of putting your focus on how bad he hurt you, what it was like when you were so in love, how can you get him back…focus on what you learned. Maybe you learned that you want to not be abandoned, that you want your beloveds to stick around. Maybe you learned that you have more healing to do around being abandoned that came from your childhood. Perhaps you can learn to find partners who are on your spiritual level, versus finding fixer uppers and karmic soulmates. Here are the questions to ask in a mini 20-second exercise:
- Why did you attract this person?
- What did your relationship teach you?
- What will you NEVER do again?
- What did you enjoy about this relationship that you wish to carry on in the next?
- What were you grateful for about this relationship?
And here is a powerful affirmation to read over and repeat out loud or in your mind to help you clear past exes and attract your Twin Flame:
I’m grateful for all the seasons of the past – past-lives, past boyfriends, past hurts, and past loves.
Now that you have healed your heart chakra you are ready for your Flame! So now what!? Now that you have healed the past, what will you be grateful for in your next relationship? Your Twin Flame relationship!? Post in the comments below. And if you’re not sure, come join us for the free New Moon Raw Cacao Ceremony this month to help you set intentions and get clear on your Twin Flame intentions!